


It Was Always Alaska

by YourShadow



Series: The Silver Duelist & Red Knight [2]
Category: Gundam SEED
Genre: Athrun Crying, M/M, Mention of Character Death, Reunion, Yzak Comforting, coded messages between two dweebs who can't admit they love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 01:34:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11613186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourShadow/pseuds/YourShadow
Summary: Sequel to It Was Never Panama (because I’m clever). Yzak and Athrun once again reunite, but this time, it’s after a promise was fulfilled. [Takes place when Athrun is given back to Z.A.F.T. after ORB captured him.]





	It Was Always Alaska

**Author's Note:**

> I'm honestly offended that there is no Athrun/Yzak tag but there is an Athrun/Dearka tag like who????? even ships that. Like it sounds neat but wtf how is Yzak/Athrun more of a rarepair than Athrun/Dearka??? Anyway. I love these dorks. Have an angsty sequel that involves cuddling and reconciliation.

Once again, nervous nausea took over. When Cagalli said “They’re here for you,” Athrun wasn’t sure who she meant at first. But when it finally registered that it meant Z.A.F.T., relief flooded through him.

It meant he could finally wipe the anger off of Yzak’s face, because he had fulfilled his promise.  


As the small boat neared the ship he would call home for a short time, Athrun saw Yzak leaning in the doorframe. Heart skipping, breath hitching, he felt a rush of deja vu wash over him--except this time things were different.  


Right?  


***  


“You dare show your face again!?” Yzak yelled before Athrun had even gotten onto the ship.  


“I killed the Strike pilot, like you asked,” Athrun told him, this time leaving Yzak stunned as he continued forward.  


Yzak grabbed onto Athrun’s shoulder--his good shoulder, since it was closest, not because he didn’t want to inflict any more pain on his comrade--to stop him.  


“Seriously? You really killed him?” he asked, voice full of disbelief and hope at the same time.  


He felt Athrun tense up beneath his touch. “Yeah,” came the shaky reply from a half-turned head. Yzak couldn’t see the other’s face--his bangs were covering his eyes--but he could hear the sorrow.  


He let go, and Athrun kept going.  


Leaning back against the wall, Yzak allowed a small smirk in response.  


***  


Athrun sat hunched over his bed, fists clenched. He had killed his best friend.  


_ He had killed his best friend. Kira. _   


Childhood memories kept floating to the surface and no matter how many times he swatted them away they just _kept coming back_ and he couldn’t understand why they didn’t just _leave him_ _alone_.  


He didn’t need to remember making Birdy for Kira. Spending painstaking hours to get the mechanical bird perfect for his best friend. Seeing the joy on the other kid’s face when it was presented as a gift.  


He didn’t need to remember the times they would play together after school, the dramas they created and adventures they imagined.  


_ Dead, dead, Kira’s dead, _ went the chant inside of his head.   


So instead, he steered his thoughts elsewhere.  


Hidden glances in the locker room during the Academy days. Locking curious green with jealous blue from across the room at lunch. Asking classmates, “Why does Yzak hate me?” and being told, “You’re just too good at everything,” as a response. Making out in the hallway when no one was looking--they checked. Arguing about strategy, about who would win, about who was better. Placating each other later with, “Sorry I said that,” and, “You were right, I just didn’t want to admit it in front of everyone,” as they sat against the wall of their dorm rooms.  


Oh no, this was  _ not _ better.   


***  


Yzak decided Athrun had spent enough time alone after what seemed like an eternity but was really only a few hours--which, considering, was a new record for the silver-haired boy. He sauntered down the hall to the room Athrun was staying in until he would leave to go back to the PLANTs. So, really, they didn’t have much time before they were separated once again. Better make it count.  


Yzak pushed the intercom button. “Hey, it’s me,” he said by way of greeting and then opened the door.  


He expected to see Athrun relaxing, maybe even tinkering with another mechanical annoyance, but instead he saw the blue-haired boy sobbing into his knees, his whole body shaking.  


“A-Athrun?” Yzak breathed, stepping in further. The door slid shut and darkness swallowed them except for a dim light.  


Yzak was tuned into the heaving breaths his lover was taking, which guided him to a spot next to the other. Tentatively--not for the first time, but certainly unexpectedly--he gently laid a hand on Athrun’s shoulder and felt each sob wracking through him.  


Athrun turned his head to look at Yzak, tears leaving salt tracks down his cheeks.  


_ This isn’t what I wanted _ , Yzak thought, looking at Athrun’s regret-filled face. The realization hit him so suddenly, so sharply, that he let out an audible gasp.   


“Sorry, I-I just…” Athrun sucked in a breath, trying to compose himself, trying to untangle the mess he had become.  


“Shhhh,” Yzak found himself cooing, patting Athrun’s back in comfort. He kept telling himself that this--Athrun crying, Athrun in pain over something he had caused, Athrun broken and spilling across the floor--was  _ not _ what he had wanted. Not at all.   


Soon Athrun had his head in Yzak’s lap, having leaned further and further into him until the other had pulled him even closer. Yzak’s fingers were now running through Athrun’s hair, something he had always wanted to do but never had an excuse for. The silky, smooth texture was how he had always imagined it--but the scenario he got to touch it in was anything but.  


Yzak could taste that same guilt that had eaten Athrun up when the Strike pilot was still alive.  _ Guess it’s my turn to feel sorry, now, _ he thought to himself.   


There were two options. Yzak could let his enemy turned lover turned whatever the hell they were now sob it out, cry out all of his tears, saying nothing the entire time; or, he could put a stop to it. Tell Athrun that everything would be okay, because it was over now. Time to move on.  _ You’re better than this _ , he wanted to say.   


“Hey…hey,” Yzak said softly. “I...missed you.”  


It wasn’t what he thought he would say, but it was what came out.  


Athrun began to quiet, but didn’t get up or move at all. “I missed you too,” he whispered.  


“I missed the way you would always one-up me--even though you didn’t mean to,” Yzak kept going. Athrun looked at him curiously, eyebrows furrowing together, but said nothing as the tears began to dry. “I missed the way we would argue about anything and everything, only to end up holding hands later.” Athrun sat up a bit, rubbing his face to get rid of the lingering wetness, still listening to Yzak’s words as the silver-haired boy’s cheeks reddened a bit.  


“I missed the way we were before...all of this. Before Heliopolis. Before--,” he couldn’t say the name, but Athrun could taste it on his tongue.  _ Before Nicol _ .   


Talking was hard for Yzak, especially when it came to talking about his feelings. Athrun appreciated it, but he knew the other boy was running out of ways to say what he meant. He leaned in, one hand cupping Yzak’s cheek, to give a soft kiss.  


Yzak was both surprised and amused that his little strategy had worked--and relieved that Athrun didn’t completely hate him.  


“Thank you,” Athrun whispered into Yzak’s neck.  


“You’re welcome,” Yzak mumbled into soft blue hair. Suddenly he felt himself being pulled down, Athrun’s arms around him as they fell to the bed.  


“Stay with me tonight?” Athrun’s words were half questioning, half pleading.  


Yzak relaxed, softening the tension in his muscles. “Yeah, I will.”  


***  


Athrun had a difficult time finding a position to lie down in that didn’t hurt. He was still feeling the aches from his wounds, both physically and emotionally. Lying on his side was nearly impossible, as the side with his injured arm couldn’t handle the pressure, but the other side was only barely tolerable. He decided to just lie on his back.  


Yzak mumbled something akin to, ‘If you don’t stop moving I’ll push you onto the floor,’ as he faced away from him. With an amused smile, Athrun reached over to ruffle Yzak’s hair. His companion made another annoyed sound, but was too tired to do anything more than make a half-assed swatting motion. Not only sleepy, but also comfortable. Yzak had his guard down around him for the first time in a long while.  


But Athrun couldn’t sleep. Hadn’t been able to for a few days after waking up from his injuries. He thought it was the end, when he detonated the Aegis. Even though he ejected right before the explosion, he thought for sure he would get caught in the debris. Apparently the blast threw him out of the way. Enough to do damage, but not enough to kill.  


Briefly, he wondered if maybe Kira had been that lucky.  


And that brought flashbacks to Nicol playing the piano, Nicol’s last words before he was gone, Kira smiling at him with Birdy atop his shoulder, Nicol at graduation, with his parents smiling proudly at him, Kira looking so sad when Athrun told him he was leaving for the PLANTs…  


Athrun huffed out a sigh, throwing his good arm over his face. His mind just wouldn’t calm down, wouldn’t stop showing him those gruesome images.  


He felt movement beside him, and all of a sudden his mind cleared. Yzak--still very much asleep, because it was simply so uncharacteristic of him to do while conscious--had turned to cuddle into Athrun’s side. His face was pressed into his neck, soft breath tickling the skin, and his arm was across Athrun’s chest, fingers clutching his night shirt. A long, contented sigh escaped the silver-haired boy’s lips.  


Athrun smiled, feeling comforted at the weight of someone pressing into him, their warmth and gentleness. He laid his arm over Yzak’s, turning his head to place a soft kiss into the silver hair, and closed his eyes. Finally, the pull of sleep managed to drag him under his regret and guilt.  


For the first time in a long while, he was able to sleep peacefully. Funny, that it happened to be in his rival’s arms.  


***  


They didn’t say much to each other in the morning. A bit of awkwardness surrounded them, but overall it was a good feeling. After getting dressed, Athrun went to meet with the commanding officer to get things squared away with his departure. There was a brief goodbye to Yzak, because he wasn’t sure if they would see each other after that moment.  


But as Athrun was walking down the corridor, arm in a sling and suitcase clutched tightly, he saw Yzak waiting for him. The sun was setting, and golden light filled the hallway. The air was warm, or maybe that was just the feeling they got when they saw each other.  


They locked eyes for a moment, remaining silent as the sun descended around them.  


Yzak finally broke that silence. “Don’t die, alright?” Coming from him, it sounded more like a command than a thoughtful sentiment. Athrun understood what he meant, though:  _ I love you _ .   


“You neither,” he replied.  _ I love you too _ .   


Yzak let out a breath and reached out his hand. Athrun set his briefcase down and took Yzak’s hand, giving a brief shake. They held on for just a moment, lingering, before Yzak let go. Athrun gave a small smile and nodded at him before picking up his briefcase and continuing on down the hallway.  


“Next time, you’ll be serving under me,” Yzak sneered in his usual fashion.  _ I’ll miss you _ .   


“I look forward to it, future commander,” Athrun replied in a not-so-usual way.  _ I’ll miss you too _ .   


“Tch,” Yzak snorted, crossing his arms and refusing to look back.  


Even though it felt like the sun was setting on their relationship, both of them had a feeling that this wasn’t the end. Not yet. As they walked separate paths, they knew they would cross each other again. Maybe then they’d be able to open up more to each other.  


Until that time, they had those last few moments in the orange afterglow of sunset.  



End file.
